


Teen Idol

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Phanfiction, Punk Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 10:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11461593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed to your arm or wrist.dan isn't surprised by who his soulmate is. he knows he is gay.phil is confused by who his soulmate is . . . he couldn't possibly be gay, could he?





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> song;; oh no! by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 524 words

_if i fail, i'll fall apart. maybe it is all a test cause i feel like i'm the worst so i always act like i'm the best._

**dan**

the curly haired brunette stared down at his wrist, reading the words for the millionth time. they weren't profound and interesting like some but rather . . . rude.

**watch where you are going, dick.**

yeah, stuck with the word dick tattooed on your wrist forever. how great. his soulmate sounded like a lovely fucking person, he couldn't wait to meet him.

dan narrowed his eyes, sighing. he had just moved to a new school district.

his parents had demanded it as he was always being bullied. mostly for his clothing style. not that he cared. he was used to it and he was determined to be himself, even if his parents suggested otherwise.

he always objected and continued to purchase clothing and accessories that he liked best. pastel jumpers, pretty flower crowns, shirts with pretty designs and even nail polish. sometimes he even purchased tights and leggings.

yes, sometimes kids told him it was gay. he got that occasional 'your clothes are gay' and he would simply reply with a 'just like me' or 'well that makes sense, since i am'. sarcasm was his greatest talent. actually, more like hiding behind his own humor.

you make people think that the assholes don't bother you and everyone USUALLY leaves you alone.

. . .

dan grabbed his phone, stopping the alarm. he had about an hour to get ready for school. this amount of time was important because picking the perfect outfit and making your hair look absolutely pristine was important and took time. this was especially important for the first day of school.

he rubbed at his brown eyes as he looked through his closet, picking out a nice pink pastel jumper. in bold, white words it said the word cute. that described him perfectly as many had proclaimed. he honestly couldn't help but agree. then he picked out a nice pair of black leggings and one of his pink and purple flower crowns.

time for hair.

he went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. he was still in the clothes he has slept in. he wouldn't want to ruin the clean ones.

he combed through his wild hair and then made sure the curls sat well, still swooping over his forehead a little.

he then put on the clean outfit and looked at himself in the mirror.

_perfection._

dan thought to himself. checking the time on his phone. he was right on time as usual. he was good about that. being late gave him anxiety so he had to be perfectly on time, not even a little early either. that also gave him anxiety. a lot of things gave him anxiety but he got used to it.

he checked the time once more before grabbing his backpack from his room and headphones. since he didn't have pockets, he put his phone in his backpack's side pocket.

as he walked out the door, he turned on his music and pushed in his headphones. he could get lost in the lyrics. so carefully thought out, sang so perfectly. they spoke to him.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; lies by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 636 words

_you're never gonna love me, so what's the use? what's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose? what's the point in saying you love me like a friend? what's the point in saying it's never gonna end?_

**phil**

another day of high school, that's all that it was to him. the only reason he hadn't dropped out by now was because his family would have just another thing to be disappointed in him about.

his family had too many expectations. they wished for a preppy, clean cut son and instead they got a blue haired, piercing wearing one. he even had a couple tattoos and smoked cigarettes and weed behind the school. oh yes, he was the perfect son for sure.

he ran a hand through his hair as he got out of bed, he had been laying there for quite some time after his alarm had went off.

phil dressed in his usual attire; black skinny jeans, band tee, leather jacket. it never took him long to get ready in the mornings, mostly because he could give five fucks less about his appearance.

he walked out the door, hands in his pockets. he wasn't at all excited for school, hell when was he?

he continued to walk, seeing school just ahead. a few blocks away. that's all he had to walk, which was nice.

he entered the school, heading straight to his locker. the quicker he got to his class, the less likely he was to have to speak to anyone.

he walked down the hallway towards his first class, looking down at the ground when suddenly, someone bumped into him. not hard though. he looked up, seeing a boy maybe a grade or two below his, dressed in all pastel attire, except for the black leggings.

"watch where you are going, dick" he spat, expecting the boy to skitter off or something, except he narrowed his eyes at him.

"you were the one looking at the ground, smartass." the curly haired boy shot back, lifting an eyebrow as he expected phil to say something. phil felt his blood run cold. he was his soulmate? impossible. he wasn't gay.

phil watched as the other kid's eyes widened, as he put two and two together.

"shit." was the only word that exited the curly haired boy's mouth before he turned around and stormed off. phil was a bit taken aback.

 _you'd someone in that attire would be the living reincarnation of the fucking sun._ phil thought to himself, watching the kid dart away.

**dan**

dan stormed down the hall, his thoughts clouded the events that had just occurred. he was pulled out of his thoughts by laughter. he looked over at a group of three boys. he sighed, knowing what to expect.

"what kind of clothing is that? did you shop in the girls section?" one snorted.

"as a matter of fact, sometimes i have to." he replied, clearly disinterested and unamused. he had other things to deal with today.

"well you must be gay." laughed another.

"oh yes, cause appearance always determines your sexuality." dan spits back though it was true. he was definitely gay.

"do you like us then, you queer?" growled the third.

"please, i'm gay but i have fucking standards." he snapped. these kids weren't letting up and he really didn't want to have to deal with this shit.

"lay off, assholes." a voice from behind him hissed. dan turned to see the kid from before. his one and only fucking soulmate.

"what are you? his boyfriend?" replied the first kid. the black haired beauty, he was for sure attractive, stepped close to him. he leaned over, staring him right in the eye.

"if you bother him again, i will beat your sorry ass senseless." he threatened, meaning every word.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; hurricane by halsey
> 
> word count;; 430 words

_i went down to a place in brooklyn where you tripped on LSD and i found myself reminded to keep you far away from me_

**phil**

phil walked away afterwards, not wanting to deal with those kids anymore. not only that, but there was a knot in his stomach.

he couldn't possibly be gay, there was no way. that little brown, curly haired twat couldn't possibly be his soulmate. there was just no way. no way at all.

he chewed on his bottom lip, looking around the room.

 _fuck,_ he thought,  _what if i am?_

but no, there was no way. he wasn't. his parents would be so angry if he was. he wasn't gay. not for that junior. no. he wasn't his soulmate.

**dan**

he sat in class, thoughts jammed with the boy he had collided with.

 _wowza,_ he thought to himself,  _that guy is my soulmate_

polar opposites is what they were.

complete opposites.

but some couples were.

they fit together like like puzzle pieces.

would he and this boy fit together like that? he continued to ponder over this for the entire first hour.

he didn't learn anything from class and he had no clue what he was going to do for his homework.

what was it even? what was this class again? english? yeah. that was it. he had to write about a new experience. he knew just what to write about.

dan looked over at the clock as he realized the time. four minutes till his next class.

time seemed to be slowing, ever minute felt like twenty.

when he looked back at the clock, only one minute had passed. he couldn't help but groan mentally.

three minutes till the end.

he looked back at the clock again. no time had passed. still three minutes till the end. he continued to glance.

two minutes.

another glance.

still two minutes.

another.

still two minutes.

another.

one minute.

this time he didn't glance at the clock for a while. people started to pack their things. they stood. dan looked at the clock.

zero minutes.

he got his things, pushed in his chair and scurried off to his locker.

he was liking this school, he usually didn't like school. but this one was pretty okay. maybe it helped that his soulmate was here. or that after this year, he only had one more year of high school.

he didn't know what it was but it had to be one of those things. maybe it wasn't thought, but he had a feeling it was.

but it sure was something.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; power & control by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 656 words

_think you're funny, think you're smart, think you're gonna break my heart, think you're funny, think you're smart, yeah, you may be good-looking but you're not a piece of art_

**phil**

phil made his way to his locker, hands in his pockets. he didn't want to think about his sexuality, he knew it already. there was no reason to question it. he just wanted to get this shitty day over with.

as he took his things from his locker for math, he felt a pair of eyes on him. he looked out of the corner of his eye to see the curly haired boy.  _what does he want?_ he sneered to himself.

the boy stood there for a few moments, looking like he wanted to say something. phil turned a little, looking at him over his shoulder. he furrowed his brows, sneering at him. the boy rubbed the back of his neck and walked off as quick as possible.

**dan**

he wished he had said something and not gotten scared and nervous. he wished he wouldn't have walked away. he wished a lot of things.

he ran his hand through his hair as he hurried off to math, hoping to get a seat in the back.

he got to class quick, sitting down in one of the few empty seats in the back row. he wondered if his "soulmate" had this class. what if he sat next to him?

his thoughts were interrupted as the boy walked in. their eyes met and phil squinted at him. unfortunately the only two seats left were on either side of dan.

dan watched as he walked over, slumped over. he plopped into the seat to his left and dan looked over at him.

"hi." dan managed, voice hushed.

"don't talk to me." was the answer that was shot back at him. dan looked away and at his hands.

"you don't have to be so rude." dan mumbled.

"i do. i don't get anything out of being nice." he turned to dan, blue eyes cold and angry. "don't talk to me."

dan was silent. he didn't talk to him. phil groaned as the teacher mentioned that these seats would be their assigned seats for the rest of the year.

**phil**

he couldn't help but glance over at the boy here and there. he looked over at him so he wouldn't notice. he watched as can looked down at his paper, doodling silently. his curly brown hair fell over his deep chocolate eyes. he was so concentrated on whatever he was drawing. from what he could see, it looked like plants and stars. maybe even a rocket ship or two. something like that.

he didn't realize he was leaning over to look at it till dan looked up at him and their faces were relatively close. dan went red and phil stared at him. his eyes glanced down at the boy's soft looking, pink lips. within a few seconds, he pulled away and scowled.

 _what was that? why did i look at his lips? why didn't i look away? why did his lips look so kissable?_ tons and tons of questions ran through his mind. he wasn't gay. he couldn't be. that didn't make him gay, right? he was just looking at his notes or whatever and he got caught. it was nothing. nothing at all.

he'd just forget about it. because it didn't mean anything and he knew it didn't. yet the knot forming in his stomach told him otherwise. he bit his lip, focusing on the board, doing his best to not look over at the boy next to him. he didn't want to. but at the same time he did.

these thoughts were confusing him. these feelings. he didn't want to feel. that was his whole thing. why was this happening? what did it mean? why did he have to meet this cute,- no not cute, obnoxious boy?


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just fyi this chapter is pretty crazy so have fun
> 
> song;; primadonna girl by marina and the diamond
> 
> word count;; 892 words

_primadonna girl, would you do anything for me? buy a big diamond ring for me? would you get down on your knees for me? pop that pretty question right now, baby. beauty queen on a silver screen, living life like i'm in a dream. i know i've got a big ego. i really don't know why it's such a big deal, though._

**dan**

as he looked back down at his drawing, his stomach doing flips, he couldn't help but wonder what that moment meant. he and the boy were so close, their lips so close. he even noticed phil glance down at his. did that mean he wanted to kiss him? what did it mean?

he smelled absolutely ambrosial. like peppermint and worn leather. dan's cheeks were still pink as he sat there, so close to phil. butterflies fluttered about his stomach, making him want to curl up and dream about the boy. he snuck a glance at the boy, he was as stoned face as ever. oh what was his name? he needed to learn it. he just needed to. he yearned to learn his name.

a hopeless romantic is what dan was. that and easily infatuated. but he was so arduous to keep.

dan couldn't help but stare at phil from the corner of his eye. he was so riveting, so enthralling, and extremely captivating. he could look at him forever, if he had to look upon one face for the rest of his life then it would be the raven haired boy.

oh his hair. it was so dark, his skin so pale in comparison.

**phil**

he noticed the boy's gaze on him, despite him trying to be sneaky about it. he ran a hand through his hair as he shifted nervously. he moved his gaze over to the boy, a sneer carved into his face.

"what are you staring at?" he prodded in an aggressive manner. dan looked over at him, eyebrows shooting up.

"i-i wasn't-" dan answered in bewilderment, leaning back. phil leered over him.

"suuuure." he growled, teeth showing like he was a rabid wolf.

"quiet down, phil!" the math teacher called to them, face stern. "would you like another detention?"

"i'd love one." he shot back in reply, rolling his eyes. she nodded.

"watch it, this is your finally warning." she sighed and phil just grinned. he turned back at dan and shot him a dirty look. dan shrunk back, hunching over his work. phil is satisfied with this act of submission yet at the same time he felt a little bad.

**dan**

as much as he was taken aback by his actions, he knew his name. phil. it fit him immaculately well.

yet he only knew phil's name. there was so much more to know. so much more information to gain. he had a feeling it might be a challenge to attain, though. it seemed the good-looking ones were always the most walled up.

he knew it might take a little bit but phil was his soulmate right? therefore, he knew that only good could come out of this and that excited him.

after class ended, he grabbed phil's sleeve.

"we need to talk about this. we can't just ignore the fact that we are soulmates." dan huffed. phil yanked away, glaring down at dan.

"well i'm not gay." phil snapped.

"phil, you have to face the facts. you wouldn't be paired with a guy if you weren't at least bisexual or pansexual." dan pointed out. phil frowned, knowing what he said was true. dan crossed his arms, watching to see what phil would do. instead of saying anything, phil just turned away and stormed off towards his house.

"wait!" dan called out after him but it was too late. he watched as phil walked off.

**phil**

phil sighed as he reached his house. he really did not feel like dealing with this right now. there was so much to think about and it scared him. it scared him so fucking much.

he stepped into the house, immediately greeted by his dad's yelling.

phil hoped that he would be able to slink off into his room but unfortunately that didn't work out.

"don't try to run off to your room, get me another beer." his father spat, storming over to phil and grabbing his face. phil tried to get away but when he did, he felt a hard smack on his cheek. he was shoved against the wall, his back connecting to drywall with a large thunk. phil squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for the worst to come, but it didn't.

he looked up to see that his dad has walked off and was now sitting at his chair. phil quickly stood up and got the beer that he had asked for.

as he set it down on the coffee table, a hand wrapped tightly against his wrist.

"don't ever disrespect me." his dad hissed and phil just nodded, wincing at the tightening grip.

as soon as he let go, phil stumbled away and up the stairs. he knew already that there would be bruises on his face, back and wrist.

the thought of dan seeing his like that, made his stomach drop. maybe he could just say he got into a fight, he didn't want dan digging into his personal life.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; numb by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 596 words

_i feel numb most of the time, lower i get the higher i'll climb, and i will wonder why i got dark only to shine looking for the golden life. oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice_

**dan**

dan had found it more strenuous than usual to fall asleep. his thoughts were cluttered with phil. he wondered what his family was like, did he have any friends? so many questions thought a few ambiguities came to mind when he thought about phil liking him back.

they were supposed to be soulmates, so obviously he would like him back. . . .right?

dan shook away the thoughts as he hurried to school the next day, excitement coursing through him like the blood in his veins. maybe he could catch him before school and talk to him!

he stopped when he saw phil, sitting by himself in the grass. he had bruises on his face. did her get into a fight?

dan made his way over, carefully; as if he was making his way towards a hostile beast that might pounce at any given second.

"a-are you okay?" dan asked, looking at phil in concern. he crouched down in front of him. phil looked up, jet black bangs falling into his face.

"what?" his brows were furrowed, he looked angry. he always looked angry.

"your face. it's b-bruised. are you o-okay?" dan pointed to his cheek, his hand was close to touching it.

"it's nothing." phil shrugged, eyes darting to his hand.

"oh. uh, i'm dan by the way." he returned his hand to his side, looking down at the ground.

"and i care why exactly?" phil snarled, lip curling up in annoyance. was dan really that bothersome? he was just trying to help and ask if he was okay.

"i just. . .never mind. you're right, why should you care?" he stood up and walked away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pink and with letterman jacket.

**phil**

"wait, dan-" phil called yet it was quiet. he didn't really want dan to turn around. but then again, he did. he wanted him to come back and care about what happened to his face. why did he feel like that? he had never felt like this before with anyone. it was unusual.

he sighed and watched dan disappear into the crowd, bright varsity jacket being swallowed up by the immense amount of teenagers.

his shoulders sagged a little as he sat there, wondering if he would even get up and try today. something told him he should. something told him to even apologize to dan. he could already feel the emotions trying to weave their way through the cracks and make their way back into his mind.

they wanted to be used again but he refused. he shoved them back where they came from. locked them back up the best he could, hoping the cracks wouldn't open wider. that they wouldn't become crevasses. that the feelings wouldn't come leaking out like floodwaters through a dam after a mighty hurricane.

phil let out another sigh, feeling a morsel of himself try to piece back together. a meager effort at best.

all he could think about is that someone actually cared enough to ask if he was okay and phil had swatted them away like a bothersome mosquito. setting them aloof.

he had always done that and he couldn't seem to stop. but if he let dan grow close to him, he risked exposing the secrets he was desperate to hide. he risked learning things about himself that he didn't want to learn.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; blue by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 731 words

_no, i don't love you. no, i don't care. i just want to be held when i'm scared and all i want is one night with you just 'cause i'm selfish. i know it's true._

**dan**

he couldn't help but think about how off phil had acted to him when he asked if he was okay. sure phil had been rude to him the first two times they met but still. he looked like he wanted to tell but then he just. . .stopped himself.

dan jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. he turned to see it was only pj. he had met him in his chemistry class that he had before lunch so pj let him sit with him and his friend's during lunch.

"hey pj." dan offered him a smile, which pj graciously returned.

"me and lee saw you talking to phil, what is up with that?" pj's face turned serious. lee came sauntering over, hand intertwined with claire's, her girlfriend.

"he had a bruises on his face, i wanted to see if he was okay." dan shrugged, looking over at claire and lee.

"he probably just got into another fight." lee cut in, dropping claire's hand to put her arm around her instead.

"oh." dan wasn't so sure though, something told him otherwise. he had this nagging feeling in his gut that told him he needed to try harder to make phil open up.

"dan, stay away from him. he's no good. trust me." claire shook her head and popped her cherry lollipop back in her mouth.

"yeah, i heard he sells drugs." pj nodded in agreement.

"there was a rumor that he stabbed a kid once. or he killed someone that wouldn't give him money for the drugs." lee added. dan bites his lip. as much as phil was scary, he couldn't quite believe those things. something told him he was a far different person under the surface.

. . .and he spoke from experience. . .

**phil**

he grumbled as he hoped that dan wouldn't attempt to talk to him again. if he did, the emotions would come trying to prick and weed their way out. they'd break down the walls he had so attentively built.

he saw dan and his friends talking. something told him that the topic of their chatter was him. as he walked past, head ducked low, he happened to catch some of their conversation.

". . .plus he's a dick, dan." a tiny girl with blonde bob cut hair drawled out.

"i don't know. you can't judge people by how they act." was all he heard dan say. phil almost felt like he wanted to smile at that. dan didn't believe them? how? he was already such an ass to him and he didn't even believe he was a dick.

he felt eyes on him and he turned his head to look at dan. for a brief moment, dan's pretty chocolate eyes met his icy blue ones. something almost seemed to spark inside him. like a flame starting to ignite.

before he looked away, dan smiled at him. it was genuine and somehow made him feel calm. no one had ever smiled at him like they really meant it. just by the look on dan's face, dimples in both cheeks, sparkling eyes, he could tell he meant it.

**dan**

when he met phil's eyes, he could feel a fuzzy feeling begin to make itself at home in his chest. he couldn't help but smile at phil, even though he knew he would smile back. yet before phil broke eye contact, dan swore he smiled. just a little. his eyes stopped looking so dull for a moment and became bright. like they might have once been a bright and welcoming blue instead of icy and guarded.

dan's eyes widened a little and claire's voice broke him from thoughts.

"did  _phil lester_ just  _smile_   _back_ when you smiled at him?" she sounded surprised, but then again, who wouldn't?

they had been at this school for years and phil never had cracked a smile even when someone made a joke. never. yet low and behold, this boy who looks like he just leaped out of a disney movie gets  _the_ phil lester to smile at him.

"even though he smiled at you,  _if_ he smiled at you, you can't change him." claire shook her hair at him again.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; bubblegum bitch by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 871 words

_oh, dear diary, i met a boy. he made my dull heart light up with joy. oh, dear diary, we fell apart. welcome to the life of electra heart._

**dan**

he sat at the lunch table, a little grin on his face. he hadn't gotten over the fact that phil had smiled at him, even if it was just a very small curl of his lips. he was too nervous to talk to him in math but when he walked in, they made eye contact. again phil smiled, a little bit only but he still smiled.

claire rolled her eyes at dan. "what now, did phil lester scoop you up in his arms and kiss you or something?" dan blushed at this.

"n-no. he smiled at me again." he looked down at his lunch, smiling again as he remembered. he wanted phil to smile at him like this forever. claire rolled her eyes at him a second time.

"your eyes are going to fall out of your head if you roll them too much." sneered a voice and dan looked over to see those boys who had teased him the other day. they grinned at him maliciously. dan bit his lip.

"hey fag," one sat next to him. dan flinched at the word. he had stood up the first time, he figured they would stop. after all, phil threatened them. apparently that wasn't enough.

"something tells me you are all goo goo ga ga for phil lester." the other one sat on his other side. dan looked over at lee, pj, and claire, a look crying for help on his face. no one spoke. on one did anything.

one boy shoved him into the other one, the brunette.

"get off me, homo." the brunette snapped and shoved him back at the blonde. one got up and they made him stand up, dan knew what would happen next. he looked away, he closed his eyes. a fist connected with his jaw, he stumbled. he clutched his jaw, looking up at them with watery brown eyes.

"he's gonna cry." say the brunette, sticking out his bottom lip.

"leave him alone, nate. you too, aaron." a voice rumbled from behind phil. dan looked behind him, surprised to see phil.

"aww, look dan. it's your little crush." they laughed, chorusing each other like hyenas. dan looked away from phil when he saw him take in a sharp breath. he stepped forward and grabbed aaron's shirt.

"you're an idiot if you're not afraid of me." phil growled in his face. "cause i could kick your ass right here and now."

"do it, lester." he said, shoving at phil. phil didn't even budge. he lifted an eyebrow at his challenge and shoved aaron away before punching him. the punch must have been hard because the sound of fist to face echoed through the lunch room. it must have been hard because it sent aaron sprawling to the ground. he looked up at phil, nose bleeding, lip split.

"don't talk shit, aaron." he snarled and glared over at nate when he went to step forward. the two walked away, people were staring. dan's jaw was sore and bruising. phil looked down at his knuckles. the punch was hard. his knuckles were bleeding. he grumbled.

he looked over at dan with an intensity in his eyes. that same intensity they always held. dan had tears running down his cheeks, he wiped at them with his sweater.

"they are good for nothing assholes who think it's fun to make people as miserable as they are." phil answered before walking away. dan turned and watched him go.

"t-thank you!" he sputtered out as he walked away. phil lifted his hand in the air and flicked his wrist as if you say 'it was nothing'. dan looked over at his friend's. he was angry. they didn't do anything.

"thanks for the help, guys." he wanted those words to come out strong and angry but they came out broken and sad. dan stalked off, trying not to cry. he could feel the cafeteria staring at him. they were watching him like a bunch of hungry wolves waiting to pounce. he swallowed nothing but the air in his throat. he just wanted to go home.

**phil**

there was no way he could have watched those dicks pick on dan. it didn't mean he liked dan. he had stopped them from picking on people before but he had never punched them over it. he never felt that angry.

he never said anything to the person he stood up for. he just didn't. he didn't know why he felt like that. he didn't know why it broke his heart to see dan hurt and so sad. the tears running down his cheeks, jaw slowly bruising from a punch.

he cringed as he thought of dan's face when he knew aaron was going to hit him. the hurt puppy look. he put his face in his hands and sighed.

he was fucked. dan howell was weaving himself into his cracks, filling the holes in his mind. he was fucked because of this dan howell. this dan howell that might be his soulmate. that probably was his soulmate.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; control by halsey
> 
> word count;; 679 words

_i paced around for hours, on empty. i jumped at the slightest of sounds and i couldn't stand the person inside me. i turned all the mirrors around._

**two weeks later**

**dan**

he had thanked phil a multitude of times for standing up for him despite the fact that phil had already said 'it's cool, dude' and 'it was nothing'. sometimes he even smiled a little. a little bit more each time. not a lot more but dan noticed it.

he was walked to lunch, he and his friends had made up. he was sitting with them. he saw phil heading outside. lee noticed this too, she noticed dan staring.

"go you doofus." lee grinned a grin that told him she was thinking about them making out behind the school. dan blushed and she chuckled.

he got up though and walked out after phil, strides almost as long as his.

"phil, hey." he smiled nervously at phil when he saw him leaning again the building.

"hey." phil answered, hands in his pockets. something told dan to kiss him. to just go for it. dan moved a little closer, close to the wall. phil sighed, breath swirling in the cold february air.

**phil**

he looked over at dan, dan had moved closer to him. his heart was beating fast. could dan hear it? he bit his lip and watched dan carefully. his eyes wandered down to his lips. they were soft looking and a light crimson. phil felt the heat prickling in his cheeks, crawling up his neck. he looked away, letting out another breath. he took in another, a deeper one. dan looked over at him. he moved close.

his heart raced faster. he knew what he was doing. he knew he was gay. there was no way he wasn't and there was no going back from here. dan looked at him, puppy dog eyes widening.

as their lips grew close, phil's eyes fluttered shut. dan moved to meet his lips. phil's hands moved from his pockets to dan's hips. it was like they were in sync. like they had done this a million times over.

he pushed dan against the wall. he never wanted to do this when he kissed girl's before. sure it was only a couple times and he felt nothing, but with dan he felt sparks flying. electricity ran through his veins. everywhere dan put his hands was set on fire. he felt like he could spontaneously combust.

dan put a hand on phil's neck, the other tangling in his hair. dan pulled a little on his hair and phil let out a gasp into his mouth.

"i'm guessing you've never kissed a boy." dan grinned. phil is a little surprised at this but nodded. "you don't have to be so gentle, i'm not a fragile doll." dan added before biting at phil's neck and kissing.

**dan**

he hadn't expected phil to kiss him but he did. and he definitely was kissing back. dan put his lips back on phil's after a second. he was making out behind a school. dan pulled away when phil's leg slide between his, he let out a little breath and bit his lip. phil looked at him and dan leaned into him.

"god, don't do that. i'd rather not walk back into class with a boner." dan laughed breathily into phil's neck. phil blushed at this, shifting away.

dan pressed a soft kiss to his lips before moving away.

"lunch is almost over. we should do this again." dan suggested and winked at phil before he started to head inside. phil blushed again.

**phil**

his mind was racing from the kiss. he had just kissed a boy. no he had made out with one. with dan howell. he put his face in his hands, not out of frustration but because he was hiding a small smile behind though hands.

he had no regrets.

no only that but he learned a lot about dan in those few moments. he was not a innocent as he seemed. that was for sure.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another crazy chapter and so is the next one tbh
> 
> song;; ghost by halsey
> 
> word count;; 821 words

_i don't like them innocent. i don't want no face fresh, want them wearing leather. begging, let me be your taste test. i like the sad eyes, bad guys. mouth full of white lies, kiss me in the corridor but quick to tell me goodbye_

**dan**

dan couldn't help but think back to the kiss. sure it was a week ago but he loved every second of it. and plus they had even made out a couple times behind the school since. that first kiss though just mean so much to him.

he let out a sigh and put his face in his hands. he was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of yelling. his parents had been fighting a lot lately and it scared him. what if they split up? he would get to stay with his mom right?

he gulped a little. there was a light knock at his door, dan looked up.

"come in." he muttered. his little sister pushed open the door, the penguin toy that she loved so much in her arms. dan had given it to her when she was one. she waddled over to dan.

"mommy and daddy are scaring me. i don't like the fighting." she whimpered and dan opened his arms to her. she hugged him back and he scooped her up and held her tight in his arms.

"i know, i don't like it either." he sighed and she looked up at him.

"does it scared you too?" she asked, tears on her cheeks. he wiped them away as he nodded.

"yeah." he answered quietly. she wriggled from his arms and sat next to him before handing her penguin to him.

"he makes me feel safe when i am scared so i want you to have him for a little bit so you can not feel scared." she told him, patting dan's forearm and then the penguin. he held it and smiled.

"but what about you, emmy? what if you are scared?" he tilted his head, cuddling the penguin. she giggled a little and dan smiled.

"silly danny! i have you!" she giggled and stood up so she can hug him. she collided into him and dan laughed.

"i love you, danny." emmy says into his sweater.

"i love you too, emmy." dan sighed, resting his head on hers.

his parents were still fighting and he couldn't help but wonder if they were going to be able to fix things this time.

at least he had emmy and phil. . .and the penguin. what was it's name anyways?

"emmy what did you end up naming this penguin?" he looked down at her.

"his name is dan, like you." she smiled and dan felt a warm prickle in his heart.

**phil**

he sat at home, listening to his dad yell at his mom. he walked down the stairs, hoping that he hadn't hit her yet. then he saw that she was pinned in a corner, his fist was raised in the air. phil ran forward and shoved himself between the two.

"don't hit her." he snapped.

"get out of the way, phil." his dad snarled and phil shook his head, shoving him away from his mom.

"leave her alone, you asshole! you don't work! you just sit around all day while she works!" he yelled and shoved him hard. he fell back. his dad stood after a few minutes.

"so you can't fight when i'm hitting you but you can when i try to hit you mom?" he shot back. "what are you, a queer?"

phil looked away, a guilty look in his eyes. the kiss had happened a week ago and they had continued to make out behind the school almost every day at lunch. even if it was for a few minutes.

"yeah, i know what you are." he hissed at him. "a kid stopped by the other day. showed me a picture of you kissing another fag."

phil looked up, gulping. he looked back at his mom, hoping she would help him but she just looks at him disappointed.

an hour later, he's crawling towards the stairs, coughing up blood. his face is cut up, lip split, bruises already beginning to form.

he packed a bag and forced himself to stand. his bruised ribs told him otherwise.

after lots of effort, he stumbled down the stairs. he was greeted by his mother.

"you have no place in this house, you have to leave. now." she told him and phil just nodded. he didn't have time for this. he was so tired. he had bags under his eyes and blood in his mouth.

he walked outside, stumbling constantly. pain writhed through him as he fell into the front seat of his car and started it. he let his head fall against the steering wheel, wondering how his life became such utter shit and what he had done to deserve it.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; two birds by regina spektor
> 
> word count;; 452 words

_two birds on a wire. one says c'mon and the other says "i'm tired". the sky is overcast and i'm sorry. one more or one less. nobody's worried._

**phil**

he didn't bother saying goodbye to his family, like the would even care, and drove off to the nearest motel he could find that didn't look like he might die in the middle of the night because the owners were actually murderers.

when he had payed for the first night and brought in one of the suitcases that held some of his clothes, he checked his phone. he had a few texts and two missed calls from dan. 'fuck' he thought, not knowing what he was going to tell dan.

_d: hey you okay phil?_

_d: phil answer me_

_d: why aren't you answering my calls? is everything okay?_

_d: you're starting to scare me, babe._

_p: everything is okay, i was driving so i couldn't answer_

phil bit his lip, he didn't he didn't like lying to dan. he should tell him. he took a deep breath and pressed the little phone next to dan's name in his contact list. dan was quick to answer the phone.

"hey, phil. everything okay?" phil could hear the distress and concern in dan's voice.

"um, not exactly." he sighed, sitting down on the creaky old bed in the motel room.

"what? what's wrong?" dan sounded frantic.

"my parents kicked me out. . .because i'm gay." he tried not to cry, drawing in a sharp breath.

"phil. . .i'm so sorry. do you need somewhere to stay? you can come and stay with me, my mom won't mind." dan's words tumbled out. phil's breath hitched.

"what about your dad? will he care?" phil asked.

"i don't care what my dad thinks." dan snapped, phil furrowed his brows. something was off. he'd be sure to figure that out. dan couldn't be hiding things from him.

"are you sure it would be okay if i stayed? i found a hotel, i can just stay here." phil assured dan.

"of course it will, come to my house, i'll text you the address." dan insisted and phil obliged.

"okay, okay." he let out the breath that he was holding.

"see you in a little bit." dan said.

"yeah, you too." phil answered before hanging up. he put the suitcase back in his car and signed out of the motel. they gave him his money back and he thanked them.

he checked his phone and copied the address into the gps on his phone and then began to drive to dan's. there was so many things he needed to stay to dan and so many things that dan has to say to him.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) ;) ;)
> 
> song;; fall away by twenty one pilots
> 
> word count;; 908 words

_i disguise and i will lie and I will take my precious time as the days melt away. as i stand in line and i die as i wait as i wait on my crime and i'll try to delay what you make of my life. but I don't want your way,i want mine. i'm dying and i'm trying but believe me i'm fine but i'm lying, i'm so very far from fine._

**phil**

he pulled into dan's driveway, nerves dancing about. what if dan's parents didn't like him? he shook his head and grabbed his backpack as he got out of the car, slinging it over his shoulder. he walked to the door, knocking carefully. he felt that if he knocked too loud that dan might think he was too urgent. but he was. he was so broken and so sad. he was in pain. he hadn't told dan about the beatings. dan didn't know that when his parents found out that he was gay, not only did he get kicked out. . .his dad beat him. harder than before.

he looked up as the door opened and there dan was standing. dan's hand went over his mouth at the sight of phil.

"oh my god." dan whispered.

phil met dan's wet brown puppy dog eyes and he broke down. he reached forward and wrapped his arms around dan. his tears came out as he buried his head into the crook of dan's neck. dan, despite the fact that he was the least intimidating person ever, made his feel safe. so safe. so secure. he felt like he couldn't be hurt anymore.

"d-dan. . ." phil choked out through his sobs.

"shh, it's okay phil. i'm here, baby. i'm here." dan whispered back, kissing phil's forehead.

when phil pulled away, his eyes were red and puffy but he didn't care. dan smiled at him, grabbing his hand carefully. he led him to the couch and they sat by his mom. dan's mom looked at phil and phil knew what she thought.

phil let out a sigh and he let it all tumble out. he told them everything about everything.

dan's mom, angela, told phil that he could stay as long as he wanted.

**dan**

dan looks over at phil, who was laying next to him on his bed.

"i'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. y'know about my dad?" he apologized.

"it's cool." phil shrugged.

"it's really not." dan sighs. "i didn't mean to snap." phil rolled over to look at him.

"it's okay, dan. i snapped at you when i first met you and honestly i didn't mean to. i was scared because i knew what would happen when my parents found out." he laughed a little and dan does too.

"yeah. . .can i tell you something?" dan sighed again, dreading this. phil nodded.

"my dad left. . .my mom found out he was cheating on her so they are going their separate ways." dan told him biting his lip, trying not to cry. he didn't really want to cry, his dad and him were never close unfortunately. he was sure it was because he was gay and his dad didn't exactly like that.

"i'm sorry, dan," phil leaned forward and kisses dan on the nose softly and places a hand on his cheek, "we'll get through this together." he smiled and dan nodded, kissing phil on the lips.

he was thankful he had shut the door because the kissing got pretty heated. his hands were on phil's ass, phil's hands up his shirt. dan didn't dare put his hands up phil's shirt because the first time he tried, phil pulled away and flinched a little and after all, he might be in pain.

dan pulled away from phil, looking at him for a moment. he looked over his face before speaking and asking that question.

"do. . .you want to go this far?" he asked carefully. phil bit his lip and leaned forward to dan.

"yeah." he rasped in his ear, a warm feeling in dan's chest rising as a result. almost immediately phil's lips were on dan's neck. he kissed on the neck and on his collarbone.

after a while, dan pulled his sweater off and phil worked at unbuttoning the white dress shirt under it. dan played with the hem of phil's shirt all the while, kissing him on his jaw and neck affectionately.

**phil**

when phil pulled off dan's shirt, he explored dan's chest. he kissed him up and down. he felt dan tug at his shirt and he grabbed his hand.

"promise you won't freak out?" phil asked, frowning a little. dan just nodded. phil let out a breath as he sat up and pulled his shirt off, revealing the bruised and pale skin. dan placed a hand on his skin, tracing carefully with his fingertips.

phil watched as dan looked up at him, their eyes met. phil leaned down and kissed him, lips then moving to dan's ear.

"baby, i want you to make me forget everything for just a night. i want to make you feel good and say my name over and over." phil rasped and dan shivered in response. phil laughs breathily before pulling away and kissing his chest.

within moments, phil was on his back instead and the curly haired boy was between his legs, nipping at the bare-skin of this thighs.

he wished that this night would last forever.

 


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; stressed out by twenty one pilots (generic i know)
> 
> word count;; 652 words

_i wish i found some better sounds no one's ever heard. i wish i had a better voice that sang some better words. i wish i found some chords in an order that is new. i wish i didn't have to rhyme every time i sang. i was told when i get older all my fears would shrink but now i'm insecure and i care what people think._

**the summer after school ended. . .**

**dan**

"phil, hurry up! we are literally going swimming, your hair doesn't need to look perfect." dan yelled at phil through the bathroom door. he could hear phil scuttling around in the bathroom and he just smiled. he heard a honk outside and knocked on the door.

"pj, claire, and lee are here." dan tells phil, quieter than before.

"yeah, yeah. i'm coming." phil answers, pulling open the door. he was in the swim trunks that dan had bought him because for some reason he didn't have any. and because dan was a cheeky shit, he bought him rainbow ones. phil didn't care.

he laced his finger's with phil's and tugged him downstairs. his swim trunks had pastel pink and blue flowers all over them, phil laughed when he saw them. dan was really embarrassed because of it but phil explained that he thought it was cute and he really hadn't expected anything else because well, dan was dan. that little pastel gay boy.

**phil**

he grinned at dan as he followed him, a fond look in his eyes. lee referred to him as love eyes lester when he did it and claire called dan's heart eyes howell. it was fitting.

he hadn't thought about his parent's since the incident, they hadn't spoken to him. okay well maybe he had thought about them but it didn't sting like before. and he didn't really care. they were never the best parents. dan's mom was far better. she appreciated everything that phil did. it was like she was him mom too.

she always asked about his day, helped him remember things in the morning, she said she would buy him a birthday present for his birthday. he assured her that she wouldn't have to but she insisted.

he was pulled from his thoughts when everyone said hi to him. they were far more friendlier that before. most likely because they could see he wasn't really that much of a bad boy.

"hey." he smiled at them and got in the car. there wasn't enough room for everyone and all their stuff so with a cheeky grin, dan climbed onto phil's lap. dan was facing pj slightly and sometimes he would shift so he could kiss phil. claire, from the passenger seat, would fake gag and call them disgustingly sweet and that they made her want to puke. it was a lie though because she would lean over and kiss lee on the cheek here and there.

dan always made fun of her each time saying stuff like 'oh i'm claire and dan and phil make me want to puke when they kiss buuuut i just can't keep my lips and hands off of my girlfriend, lee.' and each time he did that cheeky little grin when he was doing something mischievous. phil loved that little grin. dan's dimples would always make an appearance each time.

phil watched dan as he talked to pj, curls falling into his face. phil reached forward gently and brushed them out of the way. dan blushed and grabbed phil's hand, kissing his knuckles.

"i love you." he cooed and phil looked out the window sheepishly.

"i love you too." he was smiling though and he know dan was staring. he poked phil's cheek.

"you are so cute when you are flustered." he said in a baby voice.

"lies." phil shook his head.

"truths!" dan chorused back and phil just chuckled.

oh how he loved that boy.


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; froot by marina and the diamonds
> 
> word count;; 877 words

_living la dolce vita, life couldn't get much sweeter. don't you give me a reason that it's not the right season. babe, i love you a lot. i'll give you all i've got. yeah, you know that it's true. i've been saving all my summers for you._

**dan**

he pulled along behind him as the group headed toward the beach. after a while, phil was walking at his side.

they were nearing the beach and dan could see the water when he saw two girls sitting on the boulders, one staring at phil.. him and phil were standing so close that you couldn't tell they were holding hands, plus claire was walking slightly in front of them, watching lee jump on the large and sandy boulders.

"hey." one of the girls giggled and waved at phil. he just looked over at her. she grinned at him and phil looked at dan, who's face was heating up. dan smiled a little at phil, who grinned back. dan could feel the girl's gaze on them as phil let go of his hand and stopped.

dan's heart stopped for a moment out of fear but before he knew it, phil put his hands on dan's hips and pulled him close so he could kiss him. it was soft and sweet, dan could taste the metallic of phil's lip ring.

when he pulled away, he was smiling and almost forgot those girls were there. he had one of his hands slightly under phil's shirt, the other resting at the back of his neck.

"i love you." phil smiled, blue eyes bright and welcoming.

"i love you too." dan pecked him on the cheeks before lacing his fingers with phil's. dan glanced at the girls, the one who had said hey looked disappointed. the other one was laughing at her and as they walked by dan almost swore he heard her say 'i told you i saw them holding hands but you didn't believe me.'

he couldn't stop thinking about how phil was no longer afraid too show he was gay and that he loved him. as they walked side by side, shoulders brushing, dan couldn't help but look over at phil and admire that beautiful face.

**phil**

he was in pure bliss with dan, with these people that he could consider his friends.

they set up their beach stuff, laughing and making jokes.

"it's so warm, we need to jump in the water before we melt!" claire laughed and phil nodded. he pulled off his shirt and dan bites his lip. no matter how many times he had seen phil with his shirt off, every time he was caught by surprise.

"stop staring, lover boy!" lee said, punching dan lightly. he pulled off his shirt as well and laughed. he grabbed phil by the hand and tugged at him, wanting him to run into the waves with him. phil just laughed and followed.

they stood in the deeper water, laughing and splashing each other. the waves crashed against them as phil leaned in for a kiss. dan giggled a little before kissing him back.

"i swear you guys are going to start quoting romeo and juliet you are so disgustingly romantic." claire rolled her eyes at them as she stood a foot or two away, hands on her hips.

"good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss." dan said without missing a beat.

"have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" phil replied and dan lifted any eyebrow. "hey i know romeo and juliet." phil laughed and dan shook his head with a little smile before continuing.

"ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer." dan watched phil with a small and lopsided smirk.

"o, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair." phil recited back, holding dan's gaze the entire time.

"saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake." dan moved closer.

"then move not, while my prayer's effect i take. thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged," phil kissed dan after he finished the line.

"then have my lips the sin that they have took." dan giggled after the kiss.

"sin from thy lips? o trespass sweetly urged! give me my sin again." he kissed dan again just as he remembers to do so from the play.

"you kiss by the book." dan stroked phil's cheek and grinned. claire just groaned.

"i can't believe you two. how do you even know all those lines?" she practically yelled.

"i played romeo in a play once because my mom made me." phil shrugged.

"in my old school, i actually helped put together a romeo and juliet play but we- i made it gay and called it romeo and julio and i was julio. so yeah. everyone loves it and that's how i came out to my parents as gay." dan grinned, hands on phil's chest. phil chuckled at his answer.

"why am i not surprised?" he shook his head at phil.

"because it's me." dan said and pecked him on the cheek.


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; young god by halsey
> 
> word count;; 521 words

_he says, "ooh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends. i'm a king and you're a queen and we will stumble through heaven. if there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes. i know you wanna go to heaven, but you're human tonight."_

**dan**

after a long day at the beach, everyone had went home. dan decided it would be the perfect time to show phil something he had wanted to show him since they started dating.

"are we there yet?" phil laughed from the passenger seat. he loved phil's laugh. when he was really laughing. really happy. dan smiled.

"almost." he chirped in an almost sing-song tone.

he parked the car off to the side of the road, a large and empty field beside them.

"is this gonna be like a slasher movie?" phil joked, leaning over and kissing dan's neck.

"hey, hey." dan giggled. "that tickles." he pushed phil away, who was grinning.

he led phil from the car, dragging him towards the middle of the field. he unfolded the blanket he had brought along, sitting down on it. he patted the spot next to him and phil chuckled before sitting at his side.

"romantic. are we going to make love all night under the stars?" phil said, leaning close so their shoulders bump.

"i hate you." dan shook his head but he can't deny he was blushing as well as smiling from nerves. thankfully it was mostly dark so there was no way phil could see his blush.

"if you hated me, i doubt that any of anything would have happened." phil chuckled, setting a hand on dan's thigh.

"alright, alright. okay, i brought you out here because i wanted to see you something." he said and pushes phil down so he lays down.

"trying to top are we?" phil said, laying down while watching dan.

"oh shut up." dan said and laid down with him, phil lacing their fingers together.

"okay, show me." phil laughed and dan looked upwards. phil does the same. "wow." he said, eyes wide as he stared at the night sky. you could see all the stars. it was like someone had dropped silver glitter onto a black paper, leaving a beautiful mistake of sparkling glitter.

"it's beautiful, huh?" dan smiled and phil nodded. he turned his head, breathing into dan's neck. dan shivered.

"you know what else is beautiful?" phil said and dan rolled his eyes. phil grinned before continuing. "you."

"you are a cheesy motherfucker, philip micheal lester." dan laughed and turned his head.

their noses brush as they stare into each other's eyes, laying under the stars. just like in a romantic movie or a romance novel. except gayer. way, way gayer.

dan smiled and shifted closer, brushing their lips together. phil rolled onto his side, resting his other hand on his cheek to kiss dan. when he pulled away, he stared into dan's eyes and looked over his face for a moment before speaking.

"i want to spend my life with you. all of my life. forever."

"forever is a long time."

"good."


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song;; we don't believe what on T.V. by twenty one pilots
> 
> word count;; 359 words

_need to know that when i fail you'll still be here, 'cause if you stick around i'll sing you pretty sounds,_   
_and we'll make money selling your hair. i don't care what's in your hair, i just wanna know what's on your mind,i used to say, "i wanna die before i'm old," but because of you i might think twice._

**several years later. . .**

they stood on the balcony, the eiffel tower out in front of them. dan hummed a little as he thought, phil looking over at him. dan always hummed when he was thinking.

he watched as dan looked up at the sky, all full of stars.

"you know what this reminds me of?" dan said, a smiling creeping onto his lips.

"what?" phil asked.

"that night when i brought you out into the field and we made out under the stars and then you confessed that you wanted to spend your life with me." dan is smiling now, despite the fact that is is dark, phil could tell.

"i remember that night." phil smiled too, he turned to dan. "i still mean it too." phil laughed nervously. dan looked over and faces him, tilting his head a little in confusion.

phil pulled out something. a little box. dan bit his lip. is phil doing what he thinks he is doing?

phil got down on one knee, opening the box. a silver ring glints in the moonlight. phil looked up at dan and took a deep breath.

"daniel james howell, will you marry me?" he asked and dan can feel the tears making their way from his eyes.

"oh phil. philip micheal lester, you cheesy bastard. of course!" he said and phil stood, putting the ring on dan's finger. he put his hand on dan's cheek and leaned in to kiss him. dan moves in the rest of the way, meeting him in the middle.

phil pulled away, eyes flickering over his face.

"i want to spend the rest of my life with you. forever."

"forever is a long time."

"good."

they laugh as they repeat the words and smile.

they found each other.

their soulmates.


End file.
